Within 15 minutes of sitting down at my desk this morning, I saw these two Craigslist ads. I couldn’t help but re-post.

You’re. Welcome.

Girlfriend says, my lab must go:

New girlfriend is not a fan of my 8 year old lab, and says i need to make a craigslist add to find him a good home…..so here you go honey

Free to good home

1 jealous nagging dog hating girlfriend

make an offer or look in the free section if she keeps it up and gets kicked to the curb

Best. Roommate. Ever.

…

A bit about me: I’m respectful, quiet, clean and I won’t bother any of your shit. If you leave shit out, I’m just like, “Oh fuck I better not mess with this shit, because it’s not mine.” I turn off lights. I clean toilets. Fuck it. I’ll even cook for you. That’s right! My dad is a chef and taught me everything there is to know about cooking southern cajun cuisine. I’ll fry green tomatoes, cover them with marinated crab meat and smother that shit in bearnaise. EVERY. GODDAMN. NIGHT. Don’t eat meat? That’s fucking FANTASTIC! I’ll make a zucchini and yellow squash carpaccio that will knock your fucking socks off.

…

Thanks, @Skins96 + @josephkokenge